Bad Influence

It might be hard to believe that a person you’ve known your literal entire life could change before your eyes due the influence of others, but this was sadly the reality for two Rochester area siblings.

“I don’t know exactly how to say it,” says Jessica Pearson, “my mom was always, well, you know, Mom.”

Jessica and her brother Chris describe their mother Beth as a gentle, soft spoken woman, accommodating to a fault.

“It would be like if you said your soup was too salty she’d make you another bowl from scratch, even if you weren’t asking her to,” says Jessica.

“Like someone would ding her car with a shopping cart and she’d apologize for parking in their way, stuff like that” added Chris.

It was a springtime evening that would change everything for Beth Pearson and her family.

“There was an HOA meeting that night,” says Jessica. “Mom was trying to get permission to plant hedges around her yard even though she probably didn’t need it. That horrible Iris woman was there.”

That horrible Iris woman was Iris Tengelsen, and she was well known around the neighborhood. She was there making demands that her neighbor Stan paint his house something “more complimentary” to her pastel blue aesthetic (which he would later comply with to shut her up). Her other accolades included the Chestnut Lane speed hump, rescheduling trash pickup three hours earlier so neighbors could bring their cans in by 7am, and, the jewel in her crown, getting a local Cuban restaurant shut down over late night music complaints for which the restaurant proprietors were not responsible.

“I think Mom really admired her gumption,” said Chris. “You know, like she had real lady-balls.”

Beth was impressed with how Tengelsen went after exactly what she wanted, regardless of whether or not she had any right to. She approached her after the meeting and two hit it off immediately, securing Beth an invitation into Tengelsen’s book club.

“If you could call it that,” adds Jessica. “Apparently they just drank wine and talked shit about the staff at Barnes and Noble. I don’t even think any of them even read the book.”

It was there Beth was exposed to Tengelsen’s inner circle:

Gina Steele, who had successfully gotten 16 books banned from local schools despite having no school-aged children of her own.

Elaine Tomilson, who was once attacked at an intersection for antagonizing an unhoused person she recognized as a retail manager she’d once gotten fired.

Janice Linde, a realtor who specialized in buying up her neighbors’ homes and selling them to corporations who would charge more for rent than most people pay on their mortgage.

“She was so excited to finally have a group of friends,” says Jessica, “and we were happy for her, even though we should’ve been more concerned about who those friends were.”

It wasn’t long before Jessica and Chris began to see changes in Beth’s behavior. She stopped throwing away expired coupons and started referring to everything as “absolutely ridiculous”.

“The first time I noticed something odd was when I saw her in a shirt with the word ‘Blessed’ bedazzled on it,” says Jessica. “Then there was the ‘It’s Wine O’Clock Somewhere’ sign in the kitchen in the same cursive font.”

“My wife’s friend Kacy works at a restaurant,” says Chris. “She said Mom showed up with the gaggle, stayed a good 90 minutes after they finished eating, and then didn’t leave a tip over the ‘inconvenience’ of being asked to leave when the place closing up for the night. Doesn’t sound like Mom at all.”

It soon became hard to deny that Iris and her friends were having a negative effect on Beth’s behavior. As Jessica tells it:

“I stopped over Mom’s to check in. I went into the kitchen and saw her purse there. I looked inside for a stick of gum, because, you know, Mom always had gum in her purse. But what I found wasn’t gum.

“I called her into the kitchen.

“‘Mom,’ I said, ‘What is this? There’s got to be like $160 worth of Kohl’s Cash here! Where did you get it?’ and she was just like ‘That’s not mine, I’m holding it for a friend!’.

“‘Come on, Mom,’ I said, ‘What is this really?’ and she just scoffed and said ‘It’s nothing, I just returned that bread maker we only used six or seven times.’

“I was all ‘You bought that from Amazon like two years ago, Mom. Hell, they collect Amazon returns at Kohl’s!’ and she just put her hands up and said ‘Oh my gosh, Jess, you’re being such a manager right now!’ and walked off like that was the end of it.”

It was in that moment that Jessica realized what was happening to her mother: She was becoming a Karen.

“I worked in retail when I was younger,” she says, “and I remember hating those women. They were so entitled and mean for no reason and I never thought my mother could….” She breaks down in tears.

“This is really hard for us,” adds Chris. “You always think it’s something that happens to other people’s mothers, never your own.”

Over the next few weeks Beth sank deeper and deeper into that world. She and the ladies would enter businesses as if in slow motion to Elastica’s Connection. She began preying on customer service workers, practicing the art of arguing until she got her way. She never left a movie theater without a set of readmission tickets. There wasn’t a return policy she couldn’t get a manager to break. Iris Tengelsen and the others knew it: She was ready.

To some it might seem like a nice Tuesday afternoon out, but this was not a usual excursion. This ritual would cement Beth’s commitment to the way of life forever.

They headed to their favorite restaurant, demanding they honor their “Sunday only” brunch menu and dined on the patio even though the patio seating area didn’t open for another two hours. Afterwards they chastised the server and the manager for the slow service even after being told it takes longer to cook food that hasn’t been prepped for and there aren’t enough servers on this shift to cover both indoor and outdoor dining. Once they received vouchers for free apps and their mimosas were comped they paid, leaving no tip, and took Beth to the place where her fate would be forever sealed: The hair salon. It was time for Beth to get her A-line.

“The A-line cut, also known as an inverted bob,” says hairstylist Joyce Fratantonio, “is a women’s style that is shorter in the back than it is in the front with an asymmetric fringe that falls into or next to the face. Think reverse mullet. It’s usually blond or with blond highlights.”

“It’s the Karen haircut,” says Chris Pearson. “That’s what they call Karen hair.”

To the blissfully unaware, a Karen’s A-line cut is the way they identify themselves not only to service workers as a nonverbal demand for respect but to other Karens as a sign of dedication to the lifestyle. All Karens undergo this rite of passage. In the community it’s known as getting “snipped in”.

“The first time I saw it I couldn’t believe it,” says Jessica. “I didn’t even recognize her as my mom anymore.”

“It’s a thought you just can’t get out of your head,” says Chris, “like somewhere out there in a shopping mall or coffee shop she’s just making everybody miserable. It’s sad.”

“We still worry about her,” says Jessica. “She may be a total Karen now, but she’s still our mom, you know?”

Jessica and Chris Pearson still hold out hope that one day their mother will return to her old self. It is possible with intervention, counseling, and unwavering support from friends and family to pull someone away from the Karen lifestyle, but they have to want to come back. Until then, Jessica and Chris can just wait and hope for the best.

Don’t let what happened to Jessica and Chris happen to you! Know the signs:

• Is your mother hanging out with women you know to be pains in the ass or entitled shrews?

• Is she wearing clothing or hanging carved, wooden signs bearing faux-inspirational slogans such as “Live, Laugh, Love”, “Blessed”, or witticisms expositing her love of wine or coffee?

• Does she suddenly have an abundance of vouchers or coupons for things like movie tickets, restaurant food, or discounts at retail stores?

• Is she using phrases and slang she hasn’t used in the past such as “What ever happened to customer service?”, “I’d like to speak to the manager” or “This is absolutely ridiculous!”?

Be aware of these behavioral changes. If her hair style hasn’t changed it means she has yet to be “snipped in” and there’s a chance you can save your mother from becoming an unbearable Karen!