Back on Target

For about a year now customers, particularly in the Black community, have been boycotting Target over their rollback of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs within the company. But things may be looking up for Target, who has been watching their sales and market value plummet all year, as it appears the boycott might finally be over!

Yes it’s apparently true as the leader of the Target boycott, a Reddit user by the name u/BoycottLeader779, has stated as much.

“We have not only made history with this historic boycott,” posts u/BoycottLeader779, “but also our point. Target has a new CEO in place and we’re confident we can all move forward together as he restores Target to a place we can all be proud to shop at!”

While some skeptics point out, correctly, that Target has made no real efforts to reinstate their DEI programs, u/BoycottLeader779 still insists that the retailer has indeed re-earned the community’s trust.

“They have this new program called Belonging at the Bullseye,” comments u/BoycottLeader779, “that’s the exact same thing as DEI. Pretty much. Similar enough at least. I mean, I don’t know the particulars of it, but I’m sure it's just as good. So let’s go do some shopping!”

u/BoycottLeader779 refused to answer when asked if they realized that saying someone “belongs at the bullseye” sounds like they mean certain people deserve to be targeted, and they quickly banned us from the subreddit.

“We couldn’t be happier!” comments redditor u/retaildreamz. “I’ve missed Target so much!”

“I never actually stopped shopping there,” says u/winemom06516, “but at least now I don’t have to feel somewhat guilty about it!”

“Target is back! Hooray for great deals and the fun of shopping!” posts u/realtargetfannotashill.

While these totally authentic Reddit users seem happy with the news, other shoppers in the real world don’t share their view on the Target boycott ending.

“It’s not though?” says ex Target customer and boycotter Cheryl Lincoln. “I don’t know who this guy is saying the boycott is over, but it’s not.”

“What the hell are they talking about?” adds fellow boycotter Maliq Daniels. “There’s no leader! This all came from a collective of voices in the community asking that people not do business with companies aiding and abetting the white supremacists in our government, period. There’s no one person in charge that can call it off, that’s ridiculous!”

“Oh sure,” says boycotter Dani Park, “he’s a real guy alright. Just last week the head of the boycott had dinner with the commander of Antifa, Zordon from The Power Rangers, and that Bailey family Chuck Schumer is always talking about. Totally real!”

Some astute Redditors have pointed out that, despite somehow already having over six million karma points, the u/BoycottLeader779 account not only has no history of supporting the Target boycott but barely any history at all as it was only created two days before, along with a subreddit they moderate called r/TargetsBACK. So far the user has only made two posts: One declaring the boycott to be over and another opining that people who use applesauce as a substitute for oil in baking recipes are “sociopaths”.

Whether or not the boycott is still active or if applesauce really can be used in place of cooking oil is up to each individual shopper/baker to decide for themself. On one side, it does seem rather suspicious that a brand new account nobody’s ever heard of would suddenly claim leadership of the movement just to immediately end that movement right as the new Target CEO maneuvers to restore the mega-retailer’s reputation and market value. But on the other hand, maybe we just ignore all that and start shopping at Target again. I mean, I really need a birthday present for my mom by tomorrow and the store is right there.

While it may be difficult for some to parse what the right thing to do here is, there really isn’t a clear sign as to if Target’s C-suite really is committed to restoring DEI throughout their organization, though they have apologized for the harm they did to marginalized communities in pursuit of their own self-interest. Oh wait, nevermind, I just looked it up and they haven’t apologized for anything. It should be okay though, they’re probably remorseful deep down.

So head on down to your local Target if you want and see what you’ve been missing this past year unless you’ve been actually shopping there this whole time either secretly or out in the open. That is if you believe that this boycott has a leader you just never heard who is calling it off and that this is in no way orchestrated by Target Corp. to make stores profitable again. And we suggest you do because it’s more convenient than not believing it. 

“I don’t care what they say,” says Cheryl Lincoln, “I ain’t shopping there.”

Well, that’s your prerogative I guess.

New Target CEO Mike Fiddlepuke could not comment on this article as we have no idea how to contact him nor what his real name is.