Breaking Mad

It's a mild evening in Clackamas, Oregon. The staff of warehouse retailer Priced Less has described the day’s crowd as “kind of like medium busy” and “I don't know, steady I guess”. The only noteworthy event, it seems, is happening upstairs, away from the prying eyes of the customer.

The managers on duty have been largely absent from the sales floor most of the shift. One returns employee named Denise, who is widely regarded as the store busybody, has noted that all of the managers have been hanging out at a pod of desks in the store’s administrative area.

“I had to pass through to get my bank,” says Denise, “and they all up there just shootin’ the shit.”

We can glean from Denise and other employees who have come within earshot that topics of conversation include recent sports games, upcoming movies, renovation ideas, and favorite recipes.

“They talkin’ about anything except work,” notes Denise.

Now, at around 5pm, as the closing crew starts to take their lunch breaks, the staff of Priced Less find their respite interrupted as the manager gaggle has moved into the break room.

“Great,” says cashier Danyel Peachtree, “just when I thought I was getting away from a bunch of loud people talking nonsense.”

“What are they even taking a break from?” asks merchandiser Chris Stoll. “They haven’t done a lick of work since they got here!”

“Ain’t found a way to kill me yet,” adds one parking lot attendant. “Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster…”

Okay, he’s not actually talking to us, he’s got earbuds in and is singing along to something.

The managers, now discussing when they’ll get another chance to get “out on the water”, have descended with their brown-bagged lunches or cafeteria trays onto a table in the middle of the break room where they’ll be visible, and more importantly audible, to everybody currently on break.

The din is actually quite impressive.

“One thing you learn in retail,” says Stoll, “is that a small number of people really can stir up quite the racket.”

“This is just great,” says Peachtree. “I already gotta listen to Elaine go on about her ‘grandbabies’, Fernando’s loud speaker phone conversation, and Pradeep watching sitcoms on his iPad at full volume, now I gotta listen to this too!?”

“Oh my God,” adds Elaine, “you hafta see these new pictures my daughter sent of my newest little grandbaby!”

Nah, we’re good.

Employees around the room react to this new development in different ways as one manager explains the ins and outs of boat rental. Some, like that carts guy, are fortunate enough to have earbuds or headphones to drown out the noise. Others decide that they’d rather forgo their break altogether and return to the sales floor. Pradeep is too engrossed in what we think is that new Young Sheldon spin-off to even notice. Todd from returns decides today is as good a time as any to start smoking again and asks if he can bum a cig off us.

Sorry man, I quit a few years ago.

“I just think I’m going to deal with it,” says Danyel Peachtree who is staying put. “I paid for this Priced Less deli chef’s salad, and I’m gonna finish it!”

“Me too,” says Chris Stoll. “At least it's still a distraction from our jobs!”

Stoll’s optimism in the face of sheer annoyance brings up a good point: Anything is tolerable as long as you can unplug your brain from work for a little while!

“Alright, fellas,” says one manager between bits of a tuna sandwich, “guess we should start discussing the upcoming remodel of the sporting goods department.”

“I have a few issues with what that will do to the commercial calendar,” says another. “If you can all open it up on Sharepoint on your phones we can figure out which project to prioritize as we exit Q1….”

Well fuck.