Everybody Wants to Rule the Work

General Manager Liz Fremont was genuinely sad that Frank, a long-time manager, was leaving the company. However, she was also very excited to get some new blood in the management team.

She came in Monday morning and logged in, eager to see who had applied for the position over the weekend. So far, 239 employees had applied. She blinked hard, thinking she must have seen it wrong, and looked again to see that 241 people had indeed applied for the job. That’s right, 244 applicants, all for one position.

What the hell was going on?

A week before, sales manager Frank Jones came to Fremont and gave his two-week notice as he was leaving Charlotte to move his family to the Tampa Bay area. Jones didn’t want to make a big thing about it and only told Fremont and a few select members of the management team. The entire store knew within hours.

“Robert and Megan both came up to me on Wednesday and asked if I was applying for Frank’s job,” says Eugene Swann, one of the most senior members of the sales staff. “I hadn’t even heard he was leaving yet, but it was like the job opening was bigger news.”

“I heard Nicole and Anne are both applying,” says Megan Gellar, a sales supervisor and total gossip. “Also Stephanie, Tina, and Tom are probably gonna too. Eugene will probably get it though, but only if Paul doesn’t apply.”

When asked about herself, Gellar says “Oh yeah, of course I’m applying.”

“I’d get paid more to do less work,” says Swann, “and take some pressure off these knees. You bet your ass I’m applying.”

The situation at the store over the past two years can be referred to as a “hiring desert” in regards to management positions.

“We restructured the store a couple of years ago,” says Fremont, “and we really haven’t needed to bring on any new managers since.”

Fremont refers to the corporate office’s ReOrganize, ReFresh (RORF) initiative which changed job titles and shuffled duties between departments, which itself was only put into place to correct the CHanges for Useful Growth and Developing Invaluable Knowledge (CHUGDIK) debacle two years before that, which also changed everyone’s job titles, duties, and pay grades, but in a way that made no sense and left all areas of the store understaffed. Somehow, both reorganizations eliminated management positions.

“Some of our staff members have been waiting a long time for a management position to open up,” says Fremont.

Positively delighted at the prospect of elevating someone into the role, Fremont posted the newly available position to the store’s intranet and sent out an email to the entire staff informing them that applications were now being accepted. She looked forward to coming back after a weekend off to see who was interested in moving up with the company. What she was not expecting was a complete bloodbath.

Now, Monday Morning, Fremont is completely dumbfounded that 246 employees have all applied for the management position. She opens up the timekeeper program and sees that 247 applications means that nearly every employee in the store has applied for the job.

While trying to decide how she was ever going to get through 249 individual job applications, Eugene Swann approaches her desk.

“Yes, Eugene,” she says, “how can I help you?”

“I just wanted to let you know” says Eugene, “that I reworked the dinnerware department so that the stuff that’s on sale next week is prominently merchandised.”

“That’s nice,” says Fremont, who doesn’t often deal with the banalities of merchandising, “it’s always good to think ahead.”

“I also upped the sales space quantity to meet the extra demand,” adds Swann, “and future dated a drop in the forecast for the end week of the sale so we don’t get stuck with a lot of extra stock.”

“Thank you,” says Fremont. “We always appreciate your effort.”

“Yeah,” continues Swann, “a lot of the people wouldn’t think to do that, but if you’re a little proactive you don’t have to be reactive later.”

“Well, thank you again, Eugene,” says Fremont, “but I’m actually very busy right now.”

Eugene stands there for a moment and opens his mouth like he might say something but just nods and walks off.

“What an ass kisser,” says Megan Gellar who was apparently lurking just within earshot. “Not sure you’d want someone like him hanging around admin all day. Just sayin’.” She shrugs and walks off.

Fremont mouths the word “wow” and gets to work sorting through the 252 applications.

The general vibe of the staff seems to run the gamut from overconfidence to reluctance.

Take for example Gina Henderson from the kitchens department who slid her resume to Fremont from the neighboring bathroom stall. Josh Collier on the carts team tried to get everyone to wear “JOSH FOR MANAGER!” stickers but then Burt took a bunch and stuck them all over the store and told management Josh did it. When an upset customer told Ruby Perez in the bedding department she wanted to speak to a manager Perez responded, “Come see me in a couple weeks”.

“It’s all anyone talked about over the weekend,” says sales associate Marvin Woods. “There were lines to get onto the computers in the admin area to apply. Michelle at the cash lanes was trying to apply on her register and got in trouble for telling a customer to go to self-checkout because she was busy.”

“I’d literally apply for any job to get up off this register,” says cashier Nathan Walnack as he rings a customer’s order. “These people are the worst and you can’t get away from them. Please insert your card chip first, ma’am. No, insert!”

Cynthia Kimble only started working at the store four days ago, but she applied stating “Eh, why the hell not.”

Even Derek Monaghan, who doesn’t even work for the company but came in Monday morning with an office supply delivery applied for the position saying “Aw, shit, they’re hiring here? This looks like a fun place to work!”

“I’m feeling a lot of pressure,” says Eugene Swann. “Like, I’ve been here so long people just assume I’d want to be in management so now I feel like I have to apply. Robert wants me to get it because he thinks I’ll be an easygoing boss and Jesse wants me to get it so she can take my job and go full-time. But then both of them also applied for it.”

“I think I have an edge over Eugene,” says Megan Gellar, “because I’m already a supervisor. But he’s been here way longer, so he’s definitely a threat. Him and Gillian from the garden area have the same skill set, so I convinced her to apply too. That should take enough votes away from Eugene to push me over the top.”

“There’s no voting,” clarifies Fremont, “why are they talking about voting?”

As Fremont works down the list of 256 applicants and begins scheduling interviews for viable candidates we can only hope she chooses a person competent enough to fill the shoes left by Frank Jones and we wish her luck.

Update:

We returned to Liz Fremont’s store a month later to find out who she chose for the sales manager position. Would be the loyal, hard-working sales associate Eugene Swann? Could it be the experienced, knowledgeable Megan Gellar? Or maybe someone else entirely…

“I’m happy to announce,” says Fremont, “that after many, many interviews, we have decided to offer the position to logistics manager Raymond Curtis who is moving over to sales, and Raymond’s position will be filled by Angel Cruz, who is leaving his current position as the bath department sales manager. We’re excited for both of them as they continue their journey within our company!”

When asked what she planned to do with the newly vacated sales management position, Fremont responded “Oh, we're probably just going to transfer in a manager from another store.”

That’s probably a good idea.