Manifest Your Infamy

It seems these days that everyone's got something to say. And while social media fills that need for most, others need a much more pointed expression of their political agenda or why they did it. We live in a world where actions still speak louder than words, but the weight of those words are still needed lest the perpetrator’s intentions float away in the wind of federal investigations and media feeding frenzies. For conspirators such as these, there’s Festo®!

Listen, we’re not here to encourage people to do certain acts, let’s just get that out of the way now. Obviously, deeds are going to be carried out and things are going to happen, you can’t stop them. Perpetrators are going to perpetrate, it’s a fact in our society. But don’t you hate it when someone does something that seems insane and then their manifesto is such an unruly mess that you can’t figure out their reasoning or what they were hoping to accomplish? Wouldn’t you hate it if your actions were misinterpreted because of a shoddy, hastily written manifesto or, even worse, you had no manifesto at all!? That’s why you need Festo®!

Yes, the days of scrawling your diatribe in a beat-up composition book and running strings from thumbtack to thumbtack across a corkboard are over!

Who do you want composing your legacy after the fact? Your mom’s neighbor telling the evening news that you were a nice, quiet person who mostly kept to themself? Some jerkass on BlueSky posting something offensive you said on Reddit 17 years ago that has nothing to do with your recent spree? Or would you rather do it yourself?

Festo® is the premier manifesto writing app and it takes all the guess work out of letting them know why you did it! The free app is available now for Android and iOS devices as well as laptop and desktop computers (though a paid premium version is available for those who want the full Festo® experience).

So what benefits does Festo® have over simply grabbing a notebook and scribbling incoherently? We’re glad you asked!

Clarity

Don’t leave it up to the public to figure out why you wanted to spare a potential target or if you intended to walk away at all. Without the clarity Festo® provides, the general public is apt to invent their own version of reality, and are rarely correct or flattering. A well-written manifesto will make your political leanings, motivations, and intentions all crystal clear. Although we also recommend downloading our Redact Daddy® app just before the day to ensure your social media footprint is completely eliminated and leaves your manifesto as the only thing you've written driving the narrative!

Verification

The public’s guesswork doesn’t stop with your reasons either. Festo® will enable the public to confirm that you are indeed a real person working via your own motivations and not a paid crisis actor, false flag, government shill, patsy, or, worst of all, a psy-op. Unless you want them to think you’re a psy-op, because Festo® will totally help with that as well! Once you toggle your app to “go live” on the day, it’ll send your manifesto to any recipients you choose (news media, government agencies, old teachers, ex girlfriends, etc.) and Festo®’s internal verification system will let everyone know this is the real you and that you wholly own your actions!

Organization

An internal notes function helps keep your thoughts organized and separate from your final manifesto. Keep track of details that are important to you but would bore your readers such as ranking targets by priority, which security personnel or venue staffers are expendable, ideas for what to write on your bullet casings, bug-out bag packing checklists, or escape route plans. Really anything you think might help you not only write your manifesto but also do the deed can be kept here for ease of access and neatness!

Aesthetics

Just because your manifesto is a serious document and future federal court evidence doesn’t mean it has to be ugly! You want your work to look good on CNN don’t you? Festo® offers several formatting options to customize the look of your manifesto. If you want your manifesto to look like it was typed on an old mechanical typewriter we got you covered! If you want to insert pictures of roses or big-eyed kittens on every page, well you can do that too! Basic font and design packages are available in the free app with even more visual features in the paid premium version!

Collaboration

Any device logged into your Festo® account can access your manifesto. Additionally, you can share your manifesto with trusted members of your cabal and choose which rights your comrades have, such as viewing, editing, sharing, and leaving comments. Whether you want to get feedback on your grand scheme or recruit a loyal following of copycats to carry out your vision, you can do it all on Festo®!

Privacy

Unlike most social media or blogging platforms, Festo® won’t hand over your manifesto or personal data to any law enforcement agencies (paid premium version only)!

Assistance

You’ll be a lone wolf on the day, but that doesn’t mean you have to plan on your own! Allow us to take this opportunity to introduce your new best friend: Zynski®!

One day you’re going to wake up and head out to change civilization as we know it forever. Forcing your way past security and into the arms of destiny should be the hardest part of that journey, not writing your manifesto. For that part, we hope you’ll give Festo® a try!