Ghost Mode

The crew of a retail store in Rutherford, New Jersey has said goodbye to their recently departed manager Benjamin Murphy. But while Mr. Murphy is gone, some still feel his presence stirring in the store, and not just in memoriam….

Merchandise Team Lead Felicia Correa tells one such tale of Murphy’s lingering presence:

“One of our merchandisers, Tina P, had changed an endcap from outdoor toys to school supplies. I asked her why since we hadn’t started the transition from summer fun to back-to-school yet. She said she could swear she heard Mr. Murphy's voice asking her to do it. I was taken aback since Mr. Murphy is no longer with us. I tried to explain this but she thought she should do what ‘he’ said anyway, like she was afraid to disappoint him.”

Had Tina P really communicated with Mr. Murphy in some way or was it simply a ruse her grief-addled mind constructed to hide the loss of her beloved manager? Well, as Correa informs us, others have also heard Murphy's disembodied voice around the store, while others still claim to have had entirely different yet equally eerie experiences as well.

“The ram on the cardboard baler was jammed again,” says maintenance worker Brian M. “Mr. Murphy was the only one who knew how to fix it. Only I just came in this morning and it was working fine! But how!?”

“We were sitting in the break room,” says Nicole A, “all of us from Yard & Garden, talking about Mr. Murphy and how much we miss him. Suddenly it got cold, like ridiculously cold, like some Sixth Sense stuff.”

“I came in one morning,” says stock associate Mark W, “and an entire shelving section of cookies was completely empty. I went to go tell someone, but by the time I'd come back they were magically back on the shelf! I don't know why, but I had a weird feeling that it was the ghost of Mr. Murphy.”

“Yo, I’m glad he’s gone!” says sales worker Anthony T. “Dude got what he deserved if you ask me!”

Wow, real messed up, Ant.

To try to get a handle on all these bizarre, utterly unexplainable incidents, we spoke with Morgan Robinson, a seer who works in the store’s admin area.

“I’m not a ‘seer’,” says Robinson, “I’m the store’s IT tech, and that man ain't haunting us, he’s just micromanaging us from Teams!”

I mean, technically “haunting” might still be correct, but didn’t someone tell me he was in “a better place”?

“Oh, he is in a better place,” adds Robinson. “Cozumel!”

But when Anthony T said he was “glad he’s gone”...?

“Yeah, I am glad he’s gone!” says Anthony T. “Dude works hard! Deserves to finally take a vacation! Just wish he’d unplugged for five minutes and actually enjoy hisself!”

Aww, that's actually pretty sweet, Ant.

Wait, so he's not dead, just on vacation?

“See, what had happened,” explains Robinson, “is this guy put himself on invisible mode on Microsoft Teams when he left, but has been sending people instructions and asking for updates ever since.”

“Yeah, when I said I heard his voice,” says merchandiser Tina P, “I meant like over the walkie-talkie function on Teams. You know they got teams on our scanners now? Seems unnecessary, but I don't know.”

Okay, well that makes sense, but what about all that other spooky stuff?

“Well, as for the baler,” says Robinson, “the idea that Mr. Murphy and only Mr. Murphy knew how to fix it is preposterous. He's just the one who has the repair guy's contact information and set up the repair over email.”

What about the eerie chill in the break room?

“Oh, he's always spying on everyone over the surveillance cameras,” Robinson explains, “which he can do remotely. If he sees too many people from one area on break at the same time he'll crank the temperature down so they go back to the floor quicker.”

Are they sure they really miss this guy?

“Oh, about that stock got moved,” says stock associate Mark W. “Turns out that was all part of a recall and I guess he told the overnighters to switch it out for the non-contaminated batch. I think I just happened to come in while they were in the middle of the job. Also do not eat the store brand Oreo knockoffs! Seriously!”

But wait, didn't you say it was his ghost?

“Yeah, in that he ghosted us to take his trip even though he still won't leave us alone.”

Okay, that seems purposely misleading.

Well, that seems to clear everything up. Maybe the staff should let Ms. Correa know that her comments can be pretty deceptive sometimes.

“Wait,” says Anthony T, “Felicia Correa? Merch Lead Felicia?"

Yeah…?

“Felicia ain’t been with us for a while,” he says. “My girl’s with God now.”

So you mean to tell me that the entire time I’ve been communicating with her, she’s been….

“Yeah, she took a road trip with some friends to that Holy Land theme park in Orlando. Girl loves her some Jesus!”

All that goes to show that the only entity haunting this and many other stores are some overbearing managers!