Liar Sale

When you ask a straightforward question, you expect an answer in the same vein. But as one retail customer has discovered, a straightforward answer isn’t always easy to come by.

“All I was asking was if the off-white porcelain dish set I wanted was in stock,” says customer Florence Cox of a recent visit to retailer Kitchens and More in Burlington, Vermont. “Is it too much to answer me truthfully and say ‘yes, we have plenty in the back, allow me to go get that for you’? No, apparently an honest answer is too much to expect in this day and age.”

“‘I’m sorry, that item is currently out of stock’ is an honest answer,” lies lying sales floor worker Seth Davis who is a liar. “It fits the criteria of being an honest answer in that it’s factually correct.”

“You should train your people better than this,” says Cox who doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not the manager. “Lying to customers is not a good way to do business.”

“Just because you don’t like the answer to your question,” says Davis dishonestly, “doesn’t make it a lie.”

Earlier this week, Florence Cox received a flyer for an overstock sale at Kitchens and More which included the promise of 60% off a certain porcelain dinnerware set. Cox, who has been meaning to upgrade her dinnerware for years could not resist the opportunity and it’s bewildering that Seth Davis would stand in the way of the realization of eating dinner off porcelain dreams that she got at one hell of a bargain. And for what?

“I think he’s trying to be funny,” says Cox, “like this is how he gets his jollies, denying an old lady like me the one thing that would make me happy.”

“Oh my god, they’re just plates and we don’t have them,” Davis says, lying compulsively. “And don’t make the dialogue tags say like I’m lying when I’m not!”

Oh hey, he’s familiar with our work! That’s flattering!

“Why would they advertise a sale,” asks Cox logically, “and then not have enough stock to go around?”

“That sale started a week ago,” says Davis, “and I would argue that at these prices she shouldn’t expect anything to stay in stock very long.”

[Editor’s Note: Please fact check the start date of the sale. I don’t trust this Seth Davis character AT ALL.]

“Well, the Internet says you have them,” says Cox.

“Well, I don’t work at the Internet,” replies Davis. “I work in the store and know what we do and don’t have based on what is and isn’t actually here.”

Wow, okay, so it’s like that.

“He’s just doing this,” says Cox, “because I accidentally broke a glass the last time I was here.”

“I’m not doing anything,” says Davis. “And she didn’t break a glass, she threw a carafe on the floor to ‘test its durability’.”

“No, no,” says Cox, “there he goes again with his lies! I accidentally knocked it off the shelf and said maybe they should make stronger carafes if they didn’t want them to break so easily. No such thing as workmanship these days.”

Amen, sister.

As this situation goes farther off the rails than initially intended, we should stop, reflect, and wonder why it is that Seth Davis can’t stop lying. Is it true that he just thinks it’s fun to mess with customers? Or maybe it’s a compulsion he has no control over. Either way, it’s a dick move and maybe he should just cop to it and go get the plates already.

“That’s it,” says Davis who is clearly getting tired of us pointing out all the ways he’s a liar. “I have other things to do other than stand here and argue about imaginary dishes that don’t exist.”

“Not likely,” quips Cox with her incisive wit. “What even is his job if not to help customers, what else is there for him to even be doing?”

Well, it seems that Florence Cox will be leaving the store to go home to a dinner served on scratched-up, checker-patterned garbage plates. Even Cox herself knows when to admit enough is enough.

“I guess they must really not have them,” she says in defeat, “otherwise, why keep going on like that? That would be absolutely ridiculous.”

“Thank you!” says Davis who we guess maybe wasn’t lying after all. “All I was trying to say was sometimes stuff’s just out of–”

“Hey, Seth,” interrupts the manager who’s just walked over, “I saw like four pallets of those plates for the sale sitting on the back dock. Weren’t you supposed to put those out?”

“I KNEW IT!” shouts Cox in triumph. “Well, what do you have to say now Mister– Wait, where’s he going?!”

With that, we watch as Seth runs from the scene as fast as he can, laughing manically all the way, and wonder exactly how many customers have left stores empty-handed or how much money in sales businesses have lost all because retail workers can’t help but to lie to customers.

So please, the next time you’re shopping and a sales person tells you something is out of stock, please remember they’re almost certainly lying and you should definitely call them out on it. Otherwise they may never learn how important it is to tell the truth.