Opinion Piece

Stop! I know what you’re doing is probably very important, but we can’t forget that it’s our customers who put the “customer” in “customer service” and also in “oh my god, these customers are so annoying!”. Yes, customers are the most important part of our job according to those same customers probably but also people in corporate who just don’t want to deal with customer complaints. So when a customer comes up with an irrelevant opinion to share, we all know it’s our sworn duty as retail workers to stop whatever we’re doing to listen.

Mel Prescott is a floor worker at Dapper’s Clothing Shoppe in Austin, Texas. Today she finds herself impeded in her folding duties by a customer with an opinion.

“I see you have these in three-packs,” says a male customer holding a package of black dress socks, “but do you have them in four-packs?”

“No, sorry,” Mel replies, “we only carry those in three-packs.”

“Well, that’s stupid,” he says, “they should really come in four-packs.”

You see, when a customer expresses an opinion such as this, it’s important to remember–

“So what if I need four pairs?” says the customer, whom I didn’t realize was still talking. “I need to choose three or six or some other number that's divisible by three?”

In the business of retail, sometimes you have to–

“It just seems kind of silly,” he continues, for fuck’s sake, “that I’m stuck with having either too few or too many.”

“I’m sorry sir,” says Mel, who would probably prefer to get back the joys of refolding shirts, “that’s just how they come.”

While this particular customer seems to be leaving a bit miffed, Mel handled the situation as best she could by letting the customer vent his frustration, taking the brunt of his ire that should be directed at the sock manufacturer, and being generally apologetic that she wasn’t able to magically solve his problem. After all, the customer’s problem isn’t really about sock bundles but the need to feel heard and– crap, what is it now!?

“Excuse me, miss?” says an older woman who just walked up because God forbid I make any headway into this article, “do you have anything in this store that isn’t made in China!?”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” answers Mel, still holding the same shirt she was trying to fold when that first guy walked up, “but we don’t have any control over where our suppliers operate.”

That’s some good, quick thinking on Mel’s part. She recognized that a question like this is not a question at all but an excuse to delve into a lecture, and while I’m sure this customer is an accomplished geopolitical and economic scholar, a lecture on such a divisive topic can be detrimental to–

“They should start making things in America again,” oh crap, I spoke too soon. “This country is really going downhill lately.”

Actually, the practice of outsourcing labor goes back decades, and if you really want something to be done about it–

“How am I supposed to find the stuff that’s not made in China?” she goes on and, again, these aren’t real questions.

While it is absolutely our duty to let any customer come to us and vent about whatever they want, it’s also important to bear in mind that some may take advantage of the captive audience, and– hang on, that first guy’s coming back over.

“Why don’t they just sell single pairs?” he asks, just walking up with no preamble. “If they did that I could just get as many as I want!”

Sometimes a customer–

“Anyway, I’m just going to get two three-packs, it doesn’t hurt to have a couple extra pairs I guess.”

OH MY GOD, GO DO THAT THEN! FUCK!

Sorry about that, but uh, I was just trying to prove a point, you see, that it’s easy to lose your cool, but we mustn’t succumb to–

“Forty dollars for one shirt!?” says yet another customer, this one a young man, picking a shirt up from the pile Mel is still trying to fold. “Thanks a lot, Brandon!” He tosses the shirt back onto the table in a heap and walks off.

Okay, you know what, just keep your head down and ignore these people. Their stupid opinions aren't worth your time and you’ve got enough to worry about without them.