Prying Eyes are Watching You

No, that customer currently standing behind you while you work doesn’t require any help. They’re apparently just going to stand behind you while you work for a little while, sources say.

Indeed, The Serving Times can now confirm that the customer whose breath you can practically feel on the back of your neck is doing just fine and is not in need of assistance. As for why they need to stand so close to you without showing interest in any nearby products remains to be revealed.

“No, I’m good,” says customer Dan Stober, who is currently watching you work for some reason, when asked if he needs help finding something.

Thinking he might be a lost husband, we spoke with Jana Ambrose, the only other single shopper currently in the area.

“He’s not with me,” says Ambrose. “I haven’t seen him with anyone else, he may just be shopping on his own.”

We also spoke to your manager, thinking they might want to get involved in the situation. Turns out, no, they didn’t.

“I thought that was one of their friends coming to visit,” says your manager. “I was literally going over to ask him to leave and stop distracting our employees from doing their job, but then I found out he’s just a customer and left it alone.”

When asked what difference it makes whether an employee’s time is wasted by a friend or a customer who doesn’t seem to be shopping, your manager just kind of mentioned they had something to check in another department and walked off.

To gain insight on this bizarre behavior, we reached out to behavioral psychologist Christopher Steele.

“He may just be fascinated by retail work,” says Steele. “You know, you come into a store and everything’s so neat and orderly, you kind of have to wonder how that happens.”

Oh, that’s an idea!

“It might also be something akin to the way cats behave,” continues Steele. “The customer may just be attracted to the movement and sound of someone trying to do their job and can’t help but be intrigued, like ‘oooo, what’s going on over here…?’.”

Well, whatever the reason, Dan Stober is still just kind of standing there, hands behind his back and leaning forward slightly as if to get a better view, while you’re doing whatever it is you're doing there.

“It’s like the concept of personal space doesn’t exist to these people,” says Nayyah Owens, a retail worker who happens to be shopping right now. “Like back up and let them do their job, this isn’t a sideshow!”

“Personal space!?” says customer Karen Roth, who was just kind of walking by. “This is your job, you don’t get personal space from your customers!”

Well, that’s debatable, but also doesn’t answer the question of why Dan Stober still feels the need to stand behind you while you work.

“Oh, I’m not in the way or anything am I?” says Stober despite making no effort to not be in the way or anything. “I don’t think I’m inconveniencing anyone by just standing here.”

True, while he’s not actively hindering you from being able to fulfill your workly duties, it’s still weird that he’s there at all.

While we wonder what could motivate a person to act in such a manner, Dan Stober seemingly decides he’s seen enough, perhaps because he’s seen something shiny out of the corner of his eye, and walks off without a word to another part of the store.

“That was intense,” says your manager who has wandered back over. “Five or six more minutes and I’d have had to ask that gentleman if he needed help again.”

As Stober disappears down the aisles, we’re left without closure and more questions than answers. Where did he come from? Why was he here? What the hell is so interesting about fronting merchandise or whatever the hell you’re doing? Was he here to tell you he’s your biological father and just lost his nerve? Has he loved you from afar for years and just needed to be close to you this one brief moment? Or maybe he’s just some busybody who doesn’t realize it’s not polite to be all up in someone’s shit while they’re trying to do their job. We may unfortunately never know.

All we can really say for certain is that… wait, hang on…

Why are you standing behind me like that? Have you just been watching me type this whole time? Bro, that’s weird, get out of here!