Spirited Away

As summer wanes and autumn creeps around the corner you can be certain Spooky Season isn’t far off. But even before the Beckies swap their sandals for Uggs, some retailers find themselves prey to an unseen, kitschy predator.

Office Galore is a small chain of office supply stores located primarily in the northeast. One store in Fall River, Massachusetts was just coming to the end of their back-to-school season.

“We always get crazy this time of year,” says longtime employee Joan Barnes. “Backpacks, notebooks, all that stuff. It’s our version of the Christmas season.”

“When we have rough years like this,” says manager Eddie Glaspell, “the back-to-school sales can be a lifeline.”

But even as money was being crammed into the drop safe, something peculiar was happening around the store.

“We started seeing these people looking around,” recalls Barnes, “and not at like merchandise but at shelving and walls and stuff.”

“Some employees claimed they saw these guys taking measurements,” says Glaspell. “At first I ignored it, I had too much else to worry about, but after a while the curiosity got to me.”

One day Eddie Glaspell decided to approach the visitors.

“I asked them if they needed help with anything,” says Glaspell, “and one of them said ‘No, we’re just looking for the Ghost-It Notes’. So like, okay, you’re gonna be weird and cryptic about it, fine, but I see you.”

After insisting they were merely shopping for Ghost-It Notes, decomposition books, and high-frighters, Glaspell finally managed to get a straight answer from the intruders.

“They were from Spirit Halloween!” exclaims Glaspell. “Can you believe that? Even after killing it during back-to-school time they still sold us to Spirit!”

Days later we returned to the Fall River Office Galore for an update on the situation.

“It was all just a misunderstanding,” says Glaspell. “I spoke to corporate and they’ve assured me that there are no plans to convert this store to a Spirit Halloween.”

Well, that’s a relief!

“Yeah, it must’ve just been the stress of back-to-ghoul season,” says Glaspell, who later added “no I didn’t.”

We even got to walk the store again with Joan Barnes.

“Oh yeah, it was so weird,” recalls Barnes, sidestepping a man measuring the base of a merchandise rack, “but it was just a false alarm in the end, maybe some kids doing a TikTok or something, I don’t know.”

A customer approached us. “Um, excuse me, do you guys have staple removers?”

“Sure thing, sweetie,” says Barnes, indicating a nearby shelf. “They’re right over here, next to the… plastic vampire teeth? What the heck? No, that isn’t right….”

Well, the staff of Office Galore seems to have things under control for the moment and we hope they haven’t been too shaken up by their recent scare.

***UPDATE***

At the urging of our editor, we headed back to Office Galore to get a sense of how things were going.

We met up with Eddie Glaspell in the store entryway.

“Office what now? No, we don’t sell office supplies here, but we can sure help you have a spooktacular Halloween!”

When asked about our previous meeting Glaspell claimed never to have spoken to a Serving Times reporter and that he’d never worked in a “boring office supply store”.

Upon looking around we didn’t see any file folders, Sharpie markers, or paperclips. Instead were fake cobwebs, latex monster masks, and screaming banshee yard hangers.

We ran into Joan Barnes who was stocking out boxes of zombie makeup kits. She greeted us with a cheery “Welcome to Spirit Halloween! How can I help you?”.

“Are you quite alright, sweetie?” asked Barnes when I mentioned our previous meeting. “Why don’t you come sit down for a minute….”

While we can’t say for sure what exactly happened here, I assure our readers that I won’t rest until we’ve gotten to the bottom of this!

[Editor’s note: After repeatedly trying and failing to reach the author of this story for clarification on some of the details we eventually received this communication which has been confirmed to be written by the author himself.]

To the editor-in-chief of The Serving Times:

You have now contacted me several times regarding an article I supposedly wrote about an office supply store. I promise you, I have no idea what you’re talking about and I’d appreciate it if you’d please stop trying to contact me.

If you need assistance finding the perfect costume or the very best in Halloween decor, ranging from the creepy-crawly to the downright horrific, I’d be happy to help. Just come on down to Spirit Halloween on the corner of Stafford and Spencer and we’ll be happy to help with all your ghastly, spine-tingling Halloween needs.

As for this business with your publication, I think it would be best if we spoke about it in person. Keep an eye peeled as one of our representatives should arrive at your offices shortly, ready to put this matter in its final resting place.

Thank you, and take scare.

Sincfearly,

[Author’s name redacted]