The Scene of the Whine

The last time Diane Lachey visited her local Pet Supplies Plus she got so upset with store management that she vowed never to return. But now, nearly four months later, the store is running a sales offer too good to pass on and Lachey finds herself about to go back on her word…

Before entering the store, Diane Lachey tells us of the last time she set foot in the Edgewater, MD Pet Supplies Plus.

“They were having a sale on the Fancy Feast,” recalls Lachey, “buy four, get one free, no limit. I thought I’d stock up, so I went in and loaded my cart up with all my cats’ favorite flavors.”

But as it turns out, Lachey’s cats’ taste did NOT line up with the store’s sales promotion.

“Po Boy and Zelda will eat anything,” she says of her feline companions, “but Fitzroy is finicky, and at the time all he would eat was the chicken primavera medley, so I made sure to get lots of that.”

When she got to the register, she was told that a third of her order did not qualify for the sale, and Lachey was not very happy about that.

“They said the primavera wasn’t included as it was a premium flavor,” says Lachey, “if you can believe that! Absolutely ridiculous. It didn’t say it anywhere in the ad!”

After doing extensive research (actually a short web search) we found the ad in question which did, in fact, specify that the sale only applied to standard flavors and did not include Medleys, Gravy Lovers, or Petites varieties of Fancy Feast.

“Well, be that as it may,” says Lachey, “They could’ve still honored the sale!”

There was a shouting match between Lachey and the store manager, by which we mean she yelled at the store manager while he just stood there, that ended with Lachey paying full price for the primavera cans and vowing, quite ardently, never to return.

“And I still haven’t,” says Lachey. “All this time I’ve been driving out to the PetCo over in Gambrills.”

Then, four months later, as if purposely trying to lure Diane back to the store, they put out a new sales ad.

“I only use one particular brand of kitty litter,” she says, “and it just so happens that the Pet Supplies is having a sale; buy one, get one half off. If I stock up I can save a lot of money. It’s worth more than my pride to take advantage.”

That brings us to today, as we stand outside the front entrance to the Edgewater Pet Supplies Plus with Diane, ready to do what she thought she never would.

“I’m so nervous,” says Diane as we enter the cool, fluorescently lit store. “I never dreamed I’d be walking back in here.”

We walk through the store, Diane looking around, letting me know they’ve re-merched the dog collars and seem to have expanded their range of all-natural treats. She wonders if we should peruse the cat toys and see if there’s anything her babies might like, but decides it’s best if we stay on task.

As we head to cat aisle, we pass an employee identified by his name tag as Darren.

“That one, right there,” says Diane pointing him out, “he was here that night. I asked him to help me lift a few cases and he tried to warn me that the Medleys weren’t part of the sale and I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. Oh my, I can’t let him see me.” Diane then tries to keep her head down and scratches the side of her head as an obvious ploy to hide her face.

“Yeah, you’d have to be more specific,” says Darren when we asked about his previous experience with Lachey. “What you just described happens like three times a day, and that’s on a slow day.”

Maryanne, the cashier who rang Lachey out that night, adds “Yeah, I think I remember her, but I don’t know, that kind of thing happens every time we have a sale.”

“If every customer who said they were never coming back actually stopped shopping here,” says manager Walter Peridot, “then we’d probably lose all our sales on the bedazzled cat collars.”

After being informed that her incident is fairly typical and the staff doesn’t even remember her, Diane seems a little relieved but still skeptical.

“No, they remember me alright,” she says. “They’re just not saying because I’m the customer and it’s their job to be nice, but they remember and they’re all judging me.”

“I really don’t know what she’s talking about,” says Peridot, “but we value all our customers and we’re glad to have her back!”

“That’s kind of him to say,” says Lachey, “but he’s a damn liar.”

After I load several buckets of Diane’s preferred cat litter into her cart (I didn’t offer, she just assumed I would), we head to the cash register. The scenario she’s fretted over and feared for so long may soon be over and oh my god, she expects me to put this in her trunk for her too, doesn’t she?

Diane, watching sheepishly as Maryanne rings up her purchase, asks “So no hard feelings then, right?”

“Sure,” says Maryanne, “we’re good I guess,” and reads off the total of the sale.

“Wait, that can’t be right,” says Lachey. “They’re supposed to buy one get one half-off.”

“I’m sorry,” says Maryanne, “but that sale ended two days ago.”

“Well, this is absurd!” erupts Lachey, “you need to get your manager out here right now!”

As Diane Lachey once again fights for her discount I can’t help but wonder if the staff of the Edgewater Pet Supplies Plus will remember her this time and if she really will keep her latest promise to stay away forever. Afterall, the Gambrills PetCo is quite a long way to drive just to fulfill a grudge no one else will even remember.

Also, I left the store before this got resolved because I fully expected to be pressured to follow her home and bring the litter inside for her. I actually suspect that’s the only reason she even agreed to do this and, honestly, fuck that.