The Devastating Wrath of Martin Pendergast (2024 Editor's Pick)

Ybor City’s Columbia Restaurant, which has stood since 1905 and survived everything named in the song We Didn’t Start the Fire, both the Billy Joel and the Fallout Boy versions, was about to be tested against a destructive force of its own creation: a customer named Martin Pendergast.

The Hernadez-Gonzmart family, who owns the famed eatery, claim they have no idea who that is, but after what’s coming, the name Martin Pendergast isn’t one they’ll soon forget.

You see, Martin Pendergast and his wife have recently visited Columbia Restaurant and found the reception they received to be quite lacking.

“I made a reservation online,” says Pendergast, “but when I got there they claimed I had done no such thing!”

“Oh yeah, I think I remember who you're talking about,” says restaurant host Amanda Garcia. “It was Sunday afternoon and it was pretty busy. I asked to see his reservation confirmation but all he showed me was the screen where you check your details before you book it. I told him I was sorry, but we just couldn’t seat him right away.”

Martin Pendergast did not take this news well.

“This is so stupid!” spat Pendergast according to eyewitnesses. “We drove all the way from Wimauma to come here!”

For reference, coming from Wimauma (pronounced “why, Mama?”) is a roughly 45 minute drive.

Garcia informed Pendergast that his lengthy drive didn’t alleviate the fact that there were no tables available and other customers ahead of him.

What Garcia didn’t realize is that she had just created the worst kind of monster: an irate boomer with too much time on his hands.

“This is absolutely ridiculous!” shouted Martin. “We’re never coming back to this restaurant, ever!”

As if the threat of losing that coveted Pendergast revenue wasn’t bad enough, Martin was dead set on taking down the entire business.

“When I get home,” he shouted, “I’m going to post how poorly we were treated here all over the socials!”

True to his word, after lunch at the Ybor Burger King and a short drive home to Wimauma, Pendergast penned his review and posted it to Yelp and shared it to several Facebook groups. Columbia management can take solace in the fact that Pendergast hasn't heard of Reddit and doesn’t know how to “do TikToks”.

Here is an excerpt from a post in the Facebook group Eating Out Tampa:

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Columbia? More like ColDUMBia! Someone there needs to figure out how reservations work and fire the girl working the door! One star! Wish it could be zero!

Needless to say, we are NEVER going back to there, and we encourage everybody to do the same! That's right, we're calling for a TOTAL BOYCOTT of ALL Columbus Restaurant locations!

Furthermore–

—

It goes on for a few more paragraphs and gets oddly transphobic and pro-Israel towards the end. The crux of the matter is that the review was out there, and was seen by dozens, maybe even twenties of people, much to the chagrin of Columbia management.

To gauge that chagrin, we spoke with restaurant manager Isabella Moreno about the devastating impact of Pendergast’s review. Well, after making us wait as the restaurant was quite busy. It did however give us a chance to have a couple sangrias.

“Okay, I only have a few minutes to spare,” says Moreno. “Now what is this about?”

We asked what effect the Martin Pendergast incident has had on business.

“I'm sorry, I don't know who that is,” she says, feigning ignorance to save face. We play along and explain the details.

“Oh, sweetie,” says Moreno, “we have thousands of reviews on Yelp and see so many customers each day, I'm not going to remember just one guy. I'll tell you what though, if he'd like to give us another chance, I'd be happy to buy him a drink on his next visit.”

It’s laughable to think she can buy off the likes of Martin Pendergast with a glass of the house red. We don’t mention that and instead ask what effect the boycott has had on business.

“Boycott?” shouts Moreno over the din of the crowd.

We explain, again unnecessarily, that Pendergast has called for a total boycott of Columbia Restaurant.

“No,” she laughs, “I hadn't heard anything about a boycott, but I'll keep it in mind.”

Kind of a flippant attitude given the circumstances. We ask if the rest of Columbia's staff is just as comfortable losing their livelihoods over this.

“I'm sorry, sweetie,” says Moreno, “but I really am busy. If Matty Pinderwho wants to come in, he and his wife can each have a sangria on me, okay?”

But what about–

“I'm sorry, but I really need to go.”

And with that, she was off, probably to report to her superiors that the restaurant really was screwed.

We must have rattled the wrong cages as we were soon asked to leave, management claiming we were being “loud and in everyone's way”, after having three more sangrias and trying to get statements from the rest of the staff.

Suffice to say, the atmosphere at Columbia is palpable as the workers and management alike wonder if their mistreatment of Martin Penderghst has cost Tampa one its most beloved restaurants.

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Update:

After weeks of trying and a little prodding, Martin Pendergast agreed to let us accompany him on a trip to give Columbia Restaurant another chance as his blessing is all that could save them from total ruin.

“I never thought I'd ever come back here,” he says, passing through the ornate wooden doors.

Amanda Garcia is once again on duty, but shows no sign of recognition.

“Oh, that one there, she remembers me,” says Pendergast, “they’ve obviously coached her to pretend she doesn’t.”

We agree and urge him to ask for a table as we’ve had a long drive from our office in Riverview and are dying for a sangria.

“Hello, and welcome to Columbia,” says Garcia. “Table for three?”

“Yes,” replies Pendergast.

“Unfortunately there's about an hour wait for a table right now,” says Garcia, baiting Pendergast, “but I’d be happy to put you on our waitlist.”

“Still playing these games,” chuckles Pendergast. “You're not going to get me with that again. We have a reservation.”

Garcia checks the computer and informs us she sees no such reservation. We can only assume she's doing so because she hates her employer and knows that Pendergast has the power to destroy them.

“Oh no no no, fool me once….” says Pendergast before pulling out his phone, opening his Yahoo mail account, and thrusting it back towards Garcia’s face. “See! Right there!”

“Sir,” says Garcia, “this is for Ulele, down on the Riverwalk. It’s an entirely different restaurant.”

It's clear from Pendergast's reddening face that Colombia Restaurant has now added insult to injury. If the beloved, historic restaurant's fate wasn't sealed before, it certainly is now.

As Pendergast storms out, once again vowing to destroy the restaurant with his vicious social media attacks, we opt to stay behind and have a few sangrias as this will probably be our last chance to have one.