DEI Love You

Scapegoating is a time-honored conservative tradition and coincidentally one of the main behaviors of fascist regimes trying to gain power (seriously two unrelated things though, I don’t even know why I mentioned that second thing). Any pundit worth their saltiness knows how to take the scapegoat du jour and blame everything they don’t like on it, and one such dipshit is showing just how versatile that skill can be.

Meet Derek Lombardi, known to his fans and haters as Derek Viceroy, far-right conservative talky-mouth and host of The Viceroy Report. Starting out as a gaming streamer, Viceroy became radicalized into the alt-right by the idea that women in gaming could be allowed to be anything other than sex objects whose boobs jiggle boobily when uppercutted by Sub Zero into a pit of spikes. Viceroy was enamored with the MAGA movement right from the start and had a penchant for yelling loud opinions that comforted other like-minded men in a world that seemed decreasingly concerned with kowtowing to their misogynistic, racist opinions. It was this that led Viceroy to drop gaming entirely and start a political podcast. The rest, as they say, is history. And by “history” we mean the history of Weimar Germany.

These days, like many in his line of work, Viceroy has been particularly angry about DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion), specifically that it constitutes discrimination against cishet white men, the most discriminated group in America, and leads to disaster. Such incidents as The Silicon Valley Bank collapse, Boeing airplanes falling apart in mid-air, and the Baltimore Key Bridge collapse have already been blamed on DEI initiatives.

But at the height of DEI scapegoating, Derek Viceroy was poised to take things to a whole new level.

“Listen up, Liberals,” said Viceroy on a recent episode of his YouTube show The Viceroy Report, “my wife left me!”

Yes, as what seems to now be a requirement for right-wing pundits, Viceroy has found himself unmarried after his wife of six years, Bethany Burke, filed for a no-fault divorce.

While no reason needs to be given in no-fault divorces, Burke has stated that she had no idea The Viceroy Report would get so big, that the “Viceroy” persona had taken over Derek’s entire personality, and that he was constantly pressuring her to “be more trad”. Personally, we’d say just watch a few minutes of any of his videos and you’ll understand immediately why she left him.

Of course, Viceroy wasted no time deciding where the fault lies for the end of his marriage. In his latest YouTube video, titled “I Lost My Wife to DEI and It's Coming for Yours Next!”, he lays it all on the table.

“Marriages are failing because of DEI!” shouts a clearly disheveled Viceroy into a large microphone, his wall adorned with posters of swole Trump, confederate and… other flags, and various mounted weaponry. “This is just another example of a white man being pushed out for a lesser qualified minority in order to further the radical left’s goal of destabilizing the traditional American family!”

So instead of just punching holes in the wall and calling his ex a “whore” while at the bar with his dude friends like a mentally healthy adult male, Viceroy has decided to blame his divorce on DEI for… reasons.

He goes on to say about his ex-wife’s new boyfriend: “It’s not even a real relationship! It’s just a diversity hookup!”

“I’ve already made it very clear,” says Viceroy’s ex Bethany Burke in response to the episode, “that who I date is none of Derek’s or anyone else’s business! And for the record, I started dating Jonathan because he treats me well and I enjoy spending time with him, not because he happens to be black!”

“It’s funny,” adds Jonathan Frazier, Burke’s new beau, “that I’m only something like one eighth Black and pass for white, but once he found out about it it’s all he can seem to focus on. And there’s a lot more to me for him to hate on! Like how I still shop at Target when the Pride stuff is out, drink a Bud Light without comment if it’s all that’s available, and recently converted my kitchen from gas to induction. But no, all he sees is my Blackness. Real lack of creativity or effort. Shame.”

It’s not just The Viceroy Report’s seventy-three minute episode on the topic that’s garnered attention, as just a few days ago Viceroy, a verified user on X formerly known as Twitter, X’d out the following:

[Editor's note: Text appears as written by Derek Viceroy, all typos and misspellings are his doing]

The initial post and subsequent thread gained even more traction when Elon Musk, founder of X formerly known as Twitter not founded by Elon Musk, seemed to agree as he responded or quote-X’d things like "concerning", "this true", "!!", and "👀" to Viceroys posts on the issue.

Other popular, conservative verified X users such as Cat Diarrhea 2, Tim Cesspool, Cucker Tarlson, Andrew Taint, that asshole Dilbert guy, Diaper Baby Walsh, and Ben Shapeepoo commented in support, posting things like “WHITE WIVES MATTER!”, memes of cuck chairs with segregation-era “whites only” signs photoshopped onto them, “░P░ U░S░S░ Y░I░ N░B░I░O░”, and mock ups of novelty tee shirts with slogans like “I’m not the step dad, I’m the token minority porkin’ this kid’s mom” which were subsequently being sold by bot accounts based in countries nobody's ever heard of.

“It’s easy in a divorce to want to blame outside factors,” says marriage counselor Tina Mullins, “instead of putting in the work to figure out why the marriage is ending. It’s the kind of thing that happens when it’s easier to just ignore problems rather than deal with them, shut out or silence those trying to tell you what those problems are rather than listen, and look for quick fixes to complicated issues rather than repair them properly. It’s when you do all that to protect the status quo of the relationship rather than give the time and resources necessary to solve these problems that things fall apart, come to a crashing halt, or collapse into the Patapsco River. It's understandable that one might look to blame external forces, whether they be work, financial hardships, or forced racial diversity.

“A problem a scapegoater usually runs into,” continues Mullins, “is how transparent they’re being. Everybody knows they’re just coping, and any attempt to call them out only leads to them intensifying their insistence that it’s the fault of the outside factor, a behavior commonly known as ‘doubling down’.”

“No, DEI is clearly why she left!” shouts Viceroy, definitely taking the adequate amount of responsibility for the dissolution of his marriage, in a recent Instagram reel directed towards his critics, “and just like all this other woke DEI stuff, it only leads to under-qualified people in positions they shouldn't be in!”

“Please,” replies Bethany Burke. “Obviously my standards have only gone up since Derek, and the idea that nobody else is ‘qualified’ to be with me is insulting. He's just upset that his idea of a ‘traditional' relationship, one that keeps guys like him on top, is failing.”

“I feel like he's got it backwards,” adds Jonathan Frazier. “Like how does limiting who you date to one race lead to better romantic matches when you're pulling from a smaller pool? Seems like you'd be more likely to find a quality lover by expanding your options, right?”

Wow, Jonathan really does seem like the better catch!

While Derek Viceroy claims that yes, it does make perfect sense that DEI ruined his marriage, there are many outside the far-right echo chamber of X formerly known as not-a-den-of-seething-man-children who feel those issues go deeper than the convenient scapegoats, Bethany Burke chief among them.

“It's weird to think he believes half the crap he says,” says Burke. “It's weird I still just want him to be happy, and he might be okay if he could just get away from everyone who just reinforces every crazy thing he says and get into some therapy.”

“Oh, therapy?” says Derek Viceroy when presented with the idea. “Therapy is how they groom children to extract their adrenochrome. No thanks!”

Okay, maybe that's a lost cause. It's like they always say: Dudes would rather spread baseless conspiracy theories and propaganda than go to therapy.